In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
