oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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