I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
