Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
