if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
