Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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