you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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