I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
