"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
