We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
