my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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