my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
