im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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