There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
