Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
