This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
