maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize