This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
