I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
