Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
