Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
