Is it because I queefed?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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