PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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