I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Vodka?
Forever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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