oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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