awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
