We're facebook friends in real life
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
