whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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