i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
