Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Sober January is a disaster.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
