i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
