My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
