Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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