I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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