im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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