he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
