the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
