I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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