did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
