Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
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You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
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I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we should paint friendship bongs
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