He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize