Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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