It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
