Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
