did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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