Nicole vs. Life
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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