yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
