There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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