the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
