I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My pussy is not your playground.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
