Your tits are I can't wait for
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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