Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
