I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
