My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
false alarm. still invincible.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
