just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
