you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You pole danced in your parka.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
