I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
