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She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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