Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
