i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
