YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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