I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think your dad took our porno
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
