dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
too bad you live with your parents still
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
