DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
where does the pee come out of this thing
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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