the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish there were birth control emojis
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
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