I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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