Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
