I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
