He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
