I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
