do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
